Part of my husband’s cognitive (his brain relearning) therapy is to continue trying to have more time with the family. It is as though his brain gives him the feedback that this is painful, this does not feel good, do not do this. Many times he will actually get so irritated with simple conversation that he will storm off in a fit or begin to yell.
What does this mean for the injured? What does it mean for the families and the people surrounding them? To look into the eyes of the one you vowed to spend the rest of your life with and know that they feel pain and confusion in just exchanging a few sentences. It means a lot of heartache. It means loneliness that no one on earth can understand unless you’ve been through something like this.
Although he may start to get mad and yell at me for wanting and desiring a simple conversation, I have to remember that his brain is hurting. His brain is physically feeling pain and illness because it is trying to come up with words and phrases. For a person with brain injury it can be too overwhelming to come up with the back and forth wording of a conversation. I have to be cautious and think of what I am going to ask or instruct before speaking (which is still a work in progress) because it may be a hypothetical that he is not capable of processing.
Where is the good in this? Where is the positive draw? I am still searching for that in this situation. I can say it makes me so grateful for the times when we can exchange a conversation no matter how minimal. It makes me feel blessed when, for example, my sister came over to visit and just sat in the room with me to have a normal conversation.
It makes me grateful that there is a God that wants to have conversation with me every moment of the day. There are many times I forget this and start to drown in the lack of conversation or the sorrow of our circumstance. This is also one of the reasons I wanted to start this blog, because I know there has to be more people out there going through life’s trials that feel hopeless or alone. You are not alone!