I am overwhelmed by the responses I have already received. Thank you all for reading and sharing! This gives me such amazing encouragement to continue on this journey to open our hearts and lives to all of you. I titled today’s post “A Year and a Day” because that is how we are forced to take life now. One day at a time and at times one hour at a time.
When someone has a TBI such as my husband’s there is little planning that can be done in terms of the future. We have goals that I have set, but those goals vary drastically from the goals we had set before the injury. A good example that I like to use is prior to the accident we had started taking classes to do our states foster to adopt program. Our long term goal was to adopt children. Now the realistic goal is to make it through the day without an angry outburst. While it is still very important to have goal for both him and myself, they are now altered.
This is our new reality. If you have ever been through TBI or other life altering situations, I am sure you have heard as we have, “You need to find the new normal”. It may sound easy, but it is not. My husband was the man that would work 10+ hours a day, out in whatever overtime may be necessary, and still come home and spend time with us. The new hubby can tolerate about a 10-15 minutes of actual conversation before wandering off into his own little world unless forced to continue communicating. Many times he will actually get up and walk away in the middle of an active conversation. This is all related to his injuries inside his brain.
I feel we all have these injuries, really. We all have parts of our hearts and minds that have been injured. Sure, it may not be a 37 foot fall, but it is an injury enough to change us. It may be something that seems as simple as an unkind word from a loved one, or a glare from our children, but like brain injuries they build over and over until that moment when you will never be the same. This happened to someone very close to my heart. Words, actions, choices all build up until that day when life would never be the same again because of the pain these things caused.
So what do you do? What do we do? How do we begin to move not past but through these hours, days, years? Truthfully, I began this journey in denial. Even with an obvious injury, I was in denial for a very long time. I did not deny he had this severe injury, but I refused to look at what this meant. I denied that this may be a situation we did not overcome in the sense of returning to life as it was before the accident.
For me, the first step to work through and into the future was honesty. I have to be honest and look at the good, the bad, and the really bad. I have to be honest to look back at what I personally have been through in life. Acknowledging those times as teaching moments the Lord brought me through for this time and this purpose. This is something we can all do in our day to day walk with whatever it may be we are facing. There is not a single one of us that does not have heartache or that feeling at times that we cannot take another step forward. It is hard to do this. There are times I still struggle with doing this. The battle is not over, but as I continue to share my hope is that you will see where the Lord has given me strength to make it through the success and failures that we all face hour by hour and day to day.